Falling for the First Time
by always krissy
Summary: 'Some people don't realize how much they have, until it's too late.' [Ephram angst, 1/1, Amy/Ephram mentions, PG]


TITLE: Falling for the First Time  
AUTHOR: Krissy  
DISCLAIMER: Everwood belongs to the awesome people at the WB. :D  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was written before we saw 11/18's episode _Is There a Doctor in the House?_. But I edited it a bit after seeing the episode, but it doesn't really spoil anything.  
CANON SPOILERS: Until '_Turf Wars_', maybe a bit of Is _There a Doctor in the House?_  
PAIRING(S): Ephram/Amy mentions  
RATING: PG  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Some people don't realize how much they have, until it's too late. Sometimes they just need a change of location to realize it. Or sometimes just a reassuring word. And then when they do realize it, maybe they will remember they can still have the world with a single, "I love you."  
---  
  
  
"So, you don't want me to go."  
  
"I want you to do whatever makes you happy."  
  
Ephram digested these words, chewing them thoughtfully. His father wouldn't give him a straight answer. He never did.  
  
It had always been, "I don't have time, Ephram, we'll talk later," or "Whatever pleases you, Ephram, just don't get the police involved," or, "Go ask your mother, I don't care." It was never "Yes, Ephram, I don't mind. Just be back at so-in-so time," or "No, Ephram, not tonight. Maybe tomorrow," or "I don't think so, Ephram, it doesn't sound like a very good idea," or even an interest in *what* he was doing. The problem, or idea, had always been passed to Julia Brown's judgment.  
  
Now he wanted Andy to say something. Anything.  
  
Didn't he see this was a plea? A moment of vulnerability that Ephram would never show again. He wanted to see how much Andy Brown, world's savior, and world's worse father, had changed. Did these last few months really mean nothing to him? They both had sacrificed so much these past three months. Ephram had finally began to open up to him, the man he'd hated for years, and now, when he needed him the most, he didn't do anything.  
  
"Why can't you ever just give me a straight answer!" Ephram cried. He stared with disgusted hazel eyes at the man he'd been starting to love.  
  
"I did," Andy replied, calmly. "I'll be happy with whatever you decide."  
  
Ephram snorted, eyes burning with angry, unshed tears. "What bullshit that is," he snarled. "You're probably jumping for joy at this! You've probably been plotting this all along, haven't you! Haven't you!" he screamed. The angry tears were threatening to overflow and Ephram refused to let his father see him cry. He grabbed the jacket he'd flung over a kitchen chair and stormed past his father, yelling a rushed, "I'm going outside," over his shoulder.  
  
Outside, he slumped against the railing of the porch. It wasn't fair.  
  
Didn't he understand?! He wasn't asking for much. Ephram knew he wasn't, but why did it _seem_ like he was? All he wanted was to hear his father tell him "I don't want you to go to New York. I want you to stay here -- with me. Because I love you."  
  
Maybe going to New York would be a good thing. He wouldn't have to try anymore. He could be happy. Maybe he'd even try to talk Kat into going out with him again... He'd changed in the few months since he'd left. Maybe she'd actually care now. Or maybe he wouldn't care anymore.  
  
It had been months since he'd seen his friends. Months since one had bothered to send him an e-mail. He had gotten two; one from Kat, telling him not to e-mail her anymore, and then one from the older sister of one the neighbors he babysat for. The sister had just wished him well and wanted to inform him not to e-mail anymore, because they had to stop their Internet access for a while.  
  
Both had been a slap in the face.  
  
And then there was Amy.  
  
Who told him he needed to 'move on,' whatever THAT meant.  
  
It wasn't like he was declaring his love for her every five minutes. He kissed her, she rejected him. He understood, maybe the tiniest bit. He knew he was out of line, he had regretted it the second she turned away, but she had been right there... The moment had been perfect... And, well... Sometimes it was just impossible to hide his affection, despite how much he'd have liked to. Someone was bound to have noticed, and he was surprised Bright hadn't informed her of his exact opinion yet.  
  
He didn't want to hate Amy, but sometimes, he didn't get what he wanted. It had stung so badly. He'd only been trying to help, and for once, he'd been thinking of Colin, not Amy. He didn't want to hate the boy he'd never met. But she was putting so much pressure on herself. You could see it in her eyes. They didn't glow anymore. When he first met her, that's what had attracted him to her in the first place. The way her eyes had just sparkled in the dim hallway light. They were just so alive, so real. And he'd thought... maybe they were that way for him... Then it turns out it was for Colin, and only for him while she gained his 'trust.' And now, her eyes didn't sparkle anymore. They were dull and Colin deserved better. He deserved a girl that was rested and ready to help when it really mattered, not to coddle him while lying in a hospital bed, virtually useless. From what she'd told him, Colin was an independent person. Even with no memories, Ephram was sure all the help he was receiving was nearly killing him. Ephram couldn't imagine being in that kind of situation. Didn't think he ever wanted to be.  
  
So he would move on.  
  
He'd go back to New York, find some pretty girl to fuck (not that he'd ever done that before; but hey, that's how they 'move on' in movies), and never speak to anyone from Everwood for years. He'd graduate high school, go to college, become successful, and send a letter to his father, proving to him how much he didn't need him. Maybe he'd even come and visit, showing off how much money he had, and a wife and kid he was actually _there_ for.  
  
Yeah. Right.  
  
Amy was just a small factor of his reasons for wanting to leave. If anyone thought he was stupid enough to leave for a girl, they were worse off than he thought. No, it was so much more than just a girl. There'd always be a girl, Ephram knew this. There had been Kat, and the one before her... And the crush on his best friend in second grade. They'd all rejected him, not that he expected anything less. It had been rejections all his life.  
  
A father who couldn't stand being home, always putting work first. A father who had missed _everything_, and then suddenly decided that after so many years, he could become father of the year? HA.  
  
Then had been his mother's death. That wasn't his fault, it wasn't anyone's fault. He believed those words he had told Amy once. "Sometimes an accident really is just an accident," or something along those lines. But it had felt like a rejection at the time. Like she was saying "I'm tired of playing mother and devoted wife, goodbye."  
  
Then it was Delia. Who was suddenly daddy's little girl and didn't understand why Ephram hated him. He was tired of trying to explain that their father would just leave them for work again, given time. So he made a promise to himself that he'd be there when she did realize it.  
  
And then Amy. He didn't really need to get into that again.  
  
"Ephram!" his father's worried voice broke into his thoughts, and Ephram tried to ignore him. "Ephram! Come inside. You have school tomorrow."  
  
Right. Like he cared.  
  
"Ephram!"  
  
"Alright, alright!" he said, voice violently annoyed, "I'm coming! Just shut up already!"  
  
He leaned his head back, closing his eyes tightly, and sighed. Why did everything have to be so hard?  
---  
  
  
But some people just don't know how to say "I love you," and it continues to spiral downhill. You just have to hope they'll remember what they had when they need it the most. And that is when you welcome them, with wide arms, saying, "I love you," and work from there. 


End file.
